Effective Singleness?

Singleness is not very fun all the time. At least not for me, and there are days that I just want to give up. I don't want to throw myself a pity party so the whole blogging world can see, but this issue is frequently heavy on my heart. So, since I've been single for 19 years of my life, and I have just recently been connected to high speed internet, I have access to resources that have helped put singleness in a better light.

Sure, it womps to not have that glorious relationship with someone who loves you and who you may marry someday. That's what we were created for, and that desire to have someone is only natural. But what if things aren't working out? It is so hard to trust that God has it all under control and that He is the one we should set our hope in--not some stupid boy. Because ladies, they are all pretty dumb, and a few smart ones will admit it. Don't want to tell all the secrets of girl-world though. But knowing that boys are clueless is a pretty big topic.

So, what do we single girls do? Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters have a wonderful blog called girltalk. I've been reading it since the beginning of the school year. These women post topics that women care about and singleness is one of them. I ran across this quite some time ago, and I have to read it every now and then to get a grip on myself and remind myself where my focus should be. Helpful hint: Chick flicks and mushy songs DO NOT help. Not at all. So don't torture yourself. Instead, I've tried to ignore those temptations to watch a good story that only makes me miserable, and turn to other, more helpful sources. Here are a few good pointers that girltalk gives single girls:

Pursue undivided devotion
--Instead of spending our time worrying about the things of the world, we should be wholly devoted to the Lord. As single women, we do not have the worries of a husband and children yet. No having to fix dinner for a family, no going to the grocery store, doing laundry for everyone, or cleaning up after messy kids (and husbands). So this time can be used solely for the Lord. We can spend time in the Word, prayer, praise, and service. It is our privilege to have time to be focused on learning all we can about our God. Don't let the world in to mess with your minds.

Become a theologian
--(I like this one. Being a Bible major is really helpful for this deal and it's one of my hobbies anyways, so I'll encourage not only single girls but everyone to become a theologian. :))
Theology=the study of God. What better way to spend your single years than digging into the Word and finding out all you can about the attributes of God? Personal Bible study is very helpful. Grab a commentary and take a stab at a book of the Bible that really interests you. I'm required to read a Hebrews commentary for a class, and it's some deep stuff! I'm really learning a lot. Also, find trusted, solid authors that are authorities on a topic you are interested in. Right now, I'm reading through Holiness, by J.C. Ryle, and it is a great book. I love anything written by John Piper (Desiring God, Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die), J.I. Packer (Knowing God, Concise Theology), C.J. Mahaney (The Cross-Centered Life, Humility), R.C. Sproul (In the Presence of God, What is Reformed Theology), and C.S. Lewis, Jonathan Edwards, and many more Puritan dead guys, but I don't want to take up too much space.

Help the men
--This pointer just encourages single girls to let the men lead-to encourage our brothers in Christ to step up and be men. Give them opportunities to lead. This doesn't mean to follow any man without question. But we can ask advice of our fathers, elders, and guy friends, and give them a chance to seek the Lord and give godly advice. Men should be leaders, and women should encourage them. Show appreciation when a man takes up his role and leads, even if he messes up, we should still encourage.

Choose friends carefully
--Single ladies have great opportunities to build amazing friendships during this time of singleness. I know this from experience. We should seek out godly friends to help us grow, and in turn, we can help them. A women's dorm is naturally the best place for this to happen. We live with each other for months. I won't give too many details, but just know that being around friends constantly has helped me build strong relationships. But while we are working on these relationships, we can also spend our time seeking friends that are not usually in our group of friends. Befriend someone that needs a friend. What better way to show Christ's love? Iron sharpens iron, and while some friends have different opinions, we find that we can learn from them, and perhaps change our way of thinking about things. Also, we should find older women to help us grow. Titus 2:4 says that older women are supposed to train younger women to love their husbands and children. So find a friend in a godly married woman who can train you. (Mothers can count, too.)

Nurture children
--Oh boy. If you have a desire to be a mother someday, why not practice with other people's children? Where can we do this? The nursery at church. Family get-togethers. Friends' homes. Children seem to be everywhere. So single ladies, this means we can spend our time helping and nurturing the children in our lives. My cousin teaches 4 year old Sunday School at her church. She doesn't realize I'm writing this, and she probably doesn't realize that I've noticed, but she is showing such a great example of this concept. She also keeps the nursery, and is devoted to loving her younger brothers. This girl's staying busy nurturing those kids. I'm proud of her.

Prepare for an important career
--This is the big one. Prepare for your future career as a wife and mother. I'm not that thrilled to be writing about this one, because I fail miserably in it. But, as single women, we can be helping our mothers cook, clean, and the like, because hey, that's what we'll hopefully be doing someday! "Rachel, check the laundry!" Ugh. I cringe. I think, well, if it's my husband's laundry I'll do it happily. Oh really.
Get off your butt and help your mother! (Oh, that was painful to type.) I've dug myself a hole now because she'll read this, and expect more out of me. Bring it on. lol
But seriously, we're not little girls anymore. We need to learn responsibility and how to take care of a house and family. Also, keeping your body healthy and being a good steward of your finances is preparing for that important career.

Be devoted to good works
--Finally, be devoted to good works. Spend time visiting a nursing home or helping someone with their chores. Be loving to your siblings. Read the Word and see where you're lacking, and work on being devoted to good works. Of course, I'll have to clarify, that these works don't make you anymore justified before God, but God commands us to be holy. Right now, in our singleness, we can work on becoming more like Christ.

There's a few things we can be working on. It's not a magic formula, and I'm sure there's more that could be added. This has just helped me along, and I wanted to share.